Run a Tight Ship

At this point I’m pretty sure the Skimmer’s Digestive is just making things up. Not only do they always choose competition winners who don’t seem like they deserved it, but now their prizes have just gotten a bit strange, like they can’t find any luxury goods companies to partner with and they’re just choosing to partner with anyone and everyone.

This month promised a pest and termite inspection to anyone who could give a compelling reason for Phillip Island to be converted into a giant nature reserve. The winning essay was titled ‘Save the Penguins, Save the Dream!’ It was compelling enough, I suppose, but upon second reading it was just a lot of mixed metaphors and emotional language. And here’s me, battling the daily cockroach problem.

Would be nice if some burly pest control experts based in Sorrento showed up at the door tomorrow, saying that the winning essay was found to be a lot of tosh and that mine granted me a pest control experience extraordinaire. I wrote a well-rounded piece stating that Phillip Island had lost its charm after so many years, and perhaps it was time for humans to move out so the fish could repopulate, the penguins could have some peace without being gawked at, and perhaps it could still be a tourist attraction with far more controlled visits.

It was utilitarian, but I don’t deal in emotion. Still…I wanted that pest control. I’m trying to run a guesthouse here, and everything could come tumbling down if I don’t do something fast. Every day, these little cockroach menaces get closer to scurrying into the breakfast room and getting me shut down. I had to trap one this morning with a colander, which means we need a new colander.

I could just pay for pest control. Home inspection companies near Sorrento and beyond aren’t abnormally expensive. But you can’t dangle the carrot of free stuff in front of my nose and not expect me a take a few snaps at it.