Suffering from Snickers

I remember when I was a kid I would despise grocery shopping with a passion unless my mum bought me a chocolate bar. I’ve still continued the tradition of buying chocolate at the grocery store. Last week I bought a Snickers and as I was eating it I must have chomped down on something really …

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Making a Movie

I’ve got an awesome idea for a movie, but I need a dedicated team of video professionals to help me make it a reality. I’m not sure whether it should be a feature film or just a ten-minute short film, because I’m yet to get scripting. Either way, I think it is going to be …

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Big Home Build

I’ve just purchased a property on the outskirts of Melbourne, in an area that is close enough to the suburbs but is technically countryside. If you drive five minutes north of my property the houses are on quarter acres and pretty much on top of each other, and then if you drive down my street …

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Metal Attack Response

Dear Freethinker Tom. I am writing in response to your latest blog post, although I could not work out how to comment, so I have simply made a blog post on my own website in response. I hope that you find this post. You, sir, are a complete and utter fool. To say that laser …

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Victory in Victoria

This is Chuck Fiddlesticks, live with the latest news regarding the upcoming Victorian election. Thanks to Channel 17, I can exclusively report that Dr Dark McBane is giving a speech out the front of Government House. This is most unusual, but let’s see what he has to say. “People of Victoria, I come before you …

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Following the Repairman

Now that I had successfully placed a tracking device on the mysterious window replacement salesman, I could find out where he was going to meet with Cuthbert Selys, my new rival. When they met up to exchange the snapper rack, I would pounce and take it for myself. I installed a special maps app on …

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Disgusting Bathroom Sink

Okay, I just want to preface and say I’m sorry in advance for how disgusting this blog post will be. Plumbing, sewerage and the matter that goes into the sewerage that I can’t even bring myself to mention, has always made me feel very ill. I am definitely not cut out to be a plumber, …

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Old Hat Treatments

Clarinda is such a purist. That wouldn’t be a problem in itself, necessarily, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s clearly not in her best interests. I mean, it’s one thing to take one’s grimoire seriously, but quite another to adhere to it religiously at the expense of seeking professional advice on certain matters. …

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The Worst Holiday

https://i0.wp.com/rayoonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/car.jpg?fit=852%2C480 Some of my minions think that I’ve been pretty stressed out lately. I’d never admit it to them, but it’s true. The initiative to ruin the lives of humans by making it so difficult to get their welfare payments that they’d prefer to just live on the street really took it out of me. …

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