Alright, what’s this about the office in Melbourne being the best-looking? We are supposed to be the most stylish office in the country. We’re the Sydney office, and that means that we’re the best by default. And get this: if you go to the back window of the filing room, stand on top of one of the cabinets and crane your neck, and do all this at about 4pm, you can ALMOST see the Opera House. Yeah, lap it up. That’s a taste of our grandeur.
But now some glamorous company has done a complete office fitout and redesign of the Melbourne office. The photos are all over the company’s social media page. It’s like some kind of…MEGA office. How could they be living in such luxury? They even have special slots on the walls for water coolers, the latest and greatest coffee pod machines and the carpet…oh boy, that carpet. Sometimes you just have to LOOK at a picture of a carpet and you can feel the silky smooth goodness, almost like you were right there running your fingers through the strands. We were supposed to be the ones with the plush carpet! And, admittedly, the Perth office was the on with the coffee pod machine shipped in from Germany that tells you to have a nice day and is directly hooked up to the water mains so you never need to refill.
Melbourne used to be the laughingstock, and I liked it like that. It was like our special little sibling that we could all laugh at, and now, it is the greatest of us all. It’s upsetting the natural order, and I don’t like it. Have the office designers based in Melbourne grown even stronger without us realising? We need a conference, maybe a secret meeting to get to the bottom of this. And maybe steal some of Melbourne’s ideas while we’re at it. We have a reputation to uphold after all.
–AR