Victory in Victoria

This is Chuck Fiddlesticks, live with the latest news regarding the upcoming Victorian election. Thanks to Channel 17, I can exclusively report that Dr Dark McBane is giving a speech out the front of Government House. This is most unusual, but let’s see what he has to say.

“People of Victoria, I come before you now with great tidings. My adversary shall be crushed in the upcoming battle, and I shall rule supreme over Victoria, bringing peace, justice and security to my new empire. Of course, I mean empire figuratively. The polls overwhelmingly show that you will choose me as your leader, and after what you see today, my victory will be guaranteed.”

Dark McBane takes a moment to gather the attention of the crowd, growing larger by the minute. What will he say next?

“Recently, when I was visiting a hardware shop near Cheltenham, I came across a news story about my arch-rival, Mr Millon. I publicly challenged him to fight me through my most recent blog post, which I am certain he has read. I hope that my challenge was clear enough. But here I am, out in public, and I have seen nothing from Mr Millon. I suppose he is too cowardly to battle me!”

What’s this? A man has pushed through the crowd and announced that he is Mr Million, and he was just late because he had to get timber supplies. Cheltenham has the best hardware store, which gave him a great deal, he claims. And now he is ready for battle. How exciting! 

But before the fight can truly begin, Dark McBane pulls out what appears to be a custom-made super soaker. He fires a stream of water right at Mr Million. Million, that devious villain, pulls up a water-proof shield. It seems he has outsmarted Dark McBane.

And just like that, I am proven wrong, as dark clouds come over the city, thanks to Dr Dark McBane’s latest invention, the Rain-Inator. Mr Million is caught in the storm, and it seems that water really is his one weakness.

Dr Dark McBane is victorious, proving just how awesome he is. Surely everybody will vote for him now! I know I will.